Saturday, October 13, 2012

An unexpected visitor...

I found a poly community online. Eagerly posting my excitement at finding this innovative community in the world, I acknowledged my virginhood in the practice. Later that day, i found a message in my inbox from a member of the community, if i had questions about the lifestyle he was pleased to share his experiences. His name for me would come to be the sundancer. The photo on his profile was of an older man, older then one i might take interest with. He had a female partner of whom he lived with, he had dated a bit, she was busy with a spiritual transformation that directed her attention inward. Our days began and ended with endless communications over text, about who we were, how we lived and the places and insights that brought us to this moment in the enternity of the universe. We agreed we would have coffee one day. My mom was visiting from Ontario. We devised a plan to go into the city for a day, to show her the unique acceptance of individuality that is commercial drive. Mom and maddy and I wandered up and down the street and in and out of a variety of eclectic shops looking for new housewares to lay claim to the new home i had just birthed into the world. Although the sundancer and I weren't due to meet for coffee for a couple of more hours, from the corner of my eye I caught and older man with longish darl hair, a black and red Aboriginal rain jacket, glancing down at his cell phone as he meandered up the drive on the other side of the street. Although I couldnt see his face, i suspected it was him, racing unsuspectingly up the other side of the street and dodging strangers along the way, determined to get a grasp of his face and validate the credibility of my claim. Within seconds, he also glaced up looked directly in my eyes from across the street and we were met with a mutual recognition. Are you you? our quizzical faces playfully pointed at eachother. There was something magical about meeting in that way, although he would probably consider it just another coincidental happening. This moment would be the beginning of our journey together, however short it would be in the world of clocked time, it would create ripples within me that would impact every layer of my existence. The sundancer was unlike no other man i had known before. As we continued to blend our work days with intermittent but all consuming conversation about spirituality, healing, our histories, our present, our philosphies on life and untold opinions on sexuality, we had begun to find ourselves in a tailspin of a consuming fire of passion. I was surprisingly perplexed on his ideas of sexuality. He viewed sex as a deep spiritual merging, in which two people consented to share "all of their information" with eachother, not to be entered into lightly. What did he mean share all of their information? I asked him. " Well" he said while taking a deep contemplative breath, "it's as if in that merging of energy, all of who and what you are is shared with another person". He went on to explain the other reasons he was hesitant. He and his partner shared a deep energetic bond he would go on to explain, that would register deeply and profoundly everytime they shared this union with another. As it would affect three people rather then just two, decisions had to be made more carefully. Then of course there was also the notion of boundaries which he explained he had learned along his own sexual journey as hard to define after sex, and so it was never as casual as one would be led to beleive. It of course was the curiosity and questioning of my own sexual explorations that had brought me to this place, so poly sexuality and poly relating were regular discussions in which i questioned with complex curiosity on a constant basis. It had been eight months since i had gotten laid, i was horny and ravenous and the object of my desire was conservative in his engagements. He wanted to honor me he said. I had no idea what to do with that. The sundancer would come to represent in entirety everything i beleived to be true about the world. He was the manifestation of all that i had yearned for in a partner for six long years. Of course there were things i would need to barter with myself in order to stay engaged, that he was twenty years older then me and didnt want anymore children. But the admiration that burned inside of me, coupled by the beauty i continuously saw blaze in him made all of those negotiations fairly easy to rectify. It would seem i had finally met my match. A few weeks into our intensely developing kinship, Madison developed an abscess tooth that would require removal with anesthetics, we would need to go into the city to have the procedure done. I asked the sundancer if he would go with me. As they had just finished putting her to sleep, i was overwhelmed by the metaphoric images that accompanied her lifeless body. I went wandering down the hallway with tears seeping from hy heart. The elevator doors opened and he made his way toward me, a gentle but overwhelming happiness in his grin a gentleness in his being. "i'll be okay in a few minutes, i promise" i muttered embarrssed. "Be however you need to be" he said with a big grin, grabbing my hand into his. We wandered over to the bank machine, exchanging sloppy kisses in between. We were enamoured with an intense passion that both of us felt enveloped by. As he grazed the side of my chin, kissing my lips and bringing my legs close into him, he whispered "you know i'm kinda glad you dont live in the city". "Why" i chuckled. "Because i think this could very quickly become all consuming and it wouldnt be good for either of us". We both laughed.
I was happier in relating to someone than i had been in a very long time. A re-membered sense of excitement that accompanies the magic of falling in love had begun to fill up my heart and overflow into every other aspect of my existence. I had no doubt that this moment in time was born of the starfish medicine that had dropped into my medicine journey and the work i had done to start healing my heart and learning to beleive in love again. Just as I did the universe brought me exactly what i needed, the reflections of all that i beleived and wanted in the world, the missing powders to the elixir of my continued healing and the shadows of the peices of me that were still waiting for birth. I was happy.

No comments:

Post a Comment