Dear friend and beautiful Being that you are...
I thank you.
Yes, in my experience you are (relative to most of the people I meet) a very "open", empathetic and caring person that gives quite freely of herself to others.
I suspect that that natural openness has in the past perhaps resulted in you feeling like you've had your fingers (and perhaps your heart) "burnt" a little by the actions and not-so-open and other-than-loving nature of other people. Such unbridled openness and authenticity in a women can—when expressed not from the context of a consciously self-aware, deeply empowered, and strongly centred woman-hood / feminine essence, but rather from a somewhat innocent childlike disposition—can very easily result in a women pulling back... feeling all to sensitive to allow that rich yet soft part of herself into the world—a world that can appear to be so harsh, so dishonest, and so based on the rigidity of the male-dominant rational mind with almost a complete absence of the sweat nectar of the Human heart anywhere to be seen.
I see your "holding back" as being a healthy act at this time. I see that it serves you in important ways. I would say it is giving You time to feel your way into the outer world whilst you also get in touch with your relationship to your Inner World and building a solid relationship with that part of your Being.
I know that there will come a day when you will hold nothing back... yet simultaneously will only reveal in each moment exactly what that moment can handle and embrace... yet within yourself this will not amount to holding back... for your Love and Spirit will be fully unleashed at all times... whether the world gets to see it and drink from it or not will be dependant on it's readiness to receive something quite sacred and splendid. Perhaps this makes sense to you... perhaps not. Either is okay.
In my world a person's first and foremost relationship (and responsibility) is to themselves. Chaos and pain is certain if this relationship is not honoured at all times. For those that are interested in living in a state of religiousness (Union with the All) then this relationship to SELF is synonymous with a their relationship to GOD and is eventually the deep inner experience and knowing that the Self and God are one and the same... "I" (in it's true sense) is "God individualised"... and that "I", that I AM, is the "I" that is You, and the next person, and God.
You mention finding your boundaries and learning to honour them.
In the last year or so I have discovered that it is important to have "boundaries"... although this should not be confused with "barriers". Hence I would perhaps define the phrase "personal boundaries" as actually being about "self definition". And it here is that we meet another great mystery of life...
The greater my experience and unfolding of self-definition the less I experience myself as being separate from everyone and everything else. The more I move into clear and pure radiant self-definition the more I move into Oneness with all things.
... another example of how Divine Logic is the the exact opposite of Human logic.
I suspect most people would say that the more a person takes on self-definition the more they become separate and apart from the Oneness. This is not, however, what I perceive and experience as being true.
Freind I honour and respect your journey into woman-hood and self-definition. You have a lot to offer this world—or shall I say, there is the potential God to offer a great deal to this world through You—so may you take all the TIME you need in order to find your place in That. I pray that the love I feel for you, the Love that I AM, might somehow play some small part in nurturing the developing "bud" within you as it makes it's journey of metamorphosis into the beautiful Blossoming of Love and Truth from which all beings may enjoy the sweat scent of your Heart and Soul.
Take your time. Honour your Heart and your feelings. Love yourSELF. Be true. Be kind to yourSelf.
With love, respect and blessings...
Jonathan
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